I WARNED YOU

I have something to say about all of this plastic surgery/alter my looks b/c I don't fit into that tight little barbie doll mold/I wanna look like everybody else madness that has been spreading like wildfire for the past couple of years. Where are the mothers? The families? The freakin' big brothers of America? The preachers and the Rabbis and the shaman? "Hello, God? *tap, tap* is this thing on? The Peace Corps, for cripes sake. 'Cause it's gonna take a legion of Peace to tame this mangled beast. Where are these people who take the little girls to the side and say "Kiddo. Make your OWN mold. Be the best YOU can be, not the best Mr.-Plastic-Surgeon-paying-for-my-vacation-with-your-insecurities can make you." Don't get me wrong. I am not going all women's lib on you people. I have the push-up bras and the bikini waxes. I get the pedicures and own way to many girlie products (I have like four different kinds of shampoo, see?)

I DO want you.
Make you mine and be yours? No. Just in as much as I want to know you, hear you're thoughts, sift through you dreams.
I AM interested in the person you are...you appeal to me physically and mentally, which is no small feat.
I KNOW that I am a quality person and worthy of your attention.
I'm TIREDof using you as a convenience and being one in return.
I DO run away.
I DON'T know how to handle this.
I AM fighting serious emotions, making me scared, confused, unsure, and silent.
I DON'T want this to affect me anymore. I want it to go away, make me stop the occasional pondering and flashes of what - ifs. Normalcy for once, just once, please.
AND fuck you for not trying or getting it. Yes, an irrational "fuck you" for not putting yourself out there when I won't either, for not understanding that it's all a facade, and for not feeling my cry when I am right beside you. STOP. Dammit. Stop showing yourself to be someone that I find interesting. GO AWAY or recognize me for who I am.

Christ, this is why I wish I was a boy.