THESE WORDS ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. THEY ARE NOT WORKING THEY ARE MEAGER THEY HAVE BEEN "MEASURED AND FOUND WANTING..." DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I QUOTED THAT RIGHT-WHY DOES IT TAKE ANGER AND DEEP SADNESS TO DRAW ON PAPER ANYTHING WORTHY OF WHAT I SAY AND FEEL IN MY HEAD AND SOUL?

*pause for breath*

I KEEP THREATENING THAT ONE DAY I WILL EXPLODE AND THEN NOBODY WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ME ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE THERE WHEN IT HAPPENS SOME SAY THAT I AM TOO NICE AND OTHERS SURELY THINK THAT I AM A RAVING LUNATIC OR AT THE VERY LEAST A BITCH, A SPECTRUM THAT I FIND AMUSING AND COMFORTING BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT MY LIFE IS NOT BORING AND I AM NOT LIKE YOU SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN THINK THOSE THAT ARE CLOSE TO ME KNOW WHO I TRULY AM OR IF I'M NOT SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE PROBABLY BECAUSE I HAVE A HARD TIME COMING OFF THIS EVEN KEEL THAT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY EVEN THOUGH I RANGE FROM HIGH-MAINTENANCE-HI-MY-NAME-IS-KELLY-AKIN-TO-THE-SUN SO PLEASE REVOLVE AROUND ME *pant, pant* TO LET ME LAY ON THE FLOOR SO YOU CAN WALK ALL OVER ME NO REALLY IT IS MY PLEASURE...

*pause rant to contemplate that statement*

TRULY I DON'T ALLOW MYSELF TO BE TREATED THE WAY I WAS IN THE PAST ANYMORE, BUT STILL I AM TIRED OF BITCHING AND WONDERING ABOUT ME AND I SURE AS SHOOTIN' AM TIRED OF WONDERING AND BITCHING ABOUT YOU ALL I WANT IS TO LET GO OF THESE THINGS THAT I CANNOT CONTROL BUT EVERYTIME I DO YOU ARE STANDING IN MY DREAMS IN MY FIELD OF VISION WHEN I WAKE AND I SEE YOUR EYES AND I WANT TO HOLD YOU AND FIX ALL THAT IS SO CLEARLY BROKEN BUT THEN I SECOND GUESS MYSELF AND WONDER IF A ROLE HASN'T BEEN CREATED TO...TO...BBBAAAAAHH! I DON'T KNOW CREATED TO DO WHAT, CRAZY? AND THEN I FIND SMALL THINGS AND SEE SMALL THINGS AND REMEMBER SMALL THINGS LIKE YOU HOLDING ME AGAINST YOU, NOT LETTING ME GO STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING JUST TO FEEL ME AGAINST YOU...AND I CRY. I CAN'T SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES. EACH LITTLE SAPLING WINDS ITSELF AROUND MY HEART AND MAKES ME FORGET ALL THAT I HAVE TO OFFER AND WHAT I REALLY WANT IS MORE THAN JUST MY HEART TO BE ENGAGED BUT MY SOUL AND MIND TOO AND MY LIFE...I WANT SOMEONE TO BE A PART OF MY LIFE AND WHY,OH WHY IS THAT SO DAMN HARD?

I AM TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT I DON'T CARE. 'CAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS, EVEN WHEN I HAVE GIVEN UP, COME TO UNDERSTAND THE FUTILITY, AND WALKED AWAY, I STILL F-ING CARE AND ISN'T THAT JUST A CATCH-22?


WELL.

Maybe the red bull wasn't such a good idea after all, I'm thinkin'.