I CAN'T HELP THE WAY MY FACE IS. SO BACK OFF.

Listen UP:

I am 4 years away from 30, and I have been playing with you fools since I was 22. I have not the tolerance for your tired mantras, so find a girl who looks like she's listening, and throw your BS game her way. If I look aloof, it's because I'm not interested in you. I don't have the energy to be cute to your face and then roll my eyes when you walk away. I prefer for you to know from the beginning, that way we're not wasting each other's time. Bitchy? Probably. The reason that I'll be single for a long time? Maybe. Please forgive me for not settling for typical. If you think that I'm down for what you're after, I'm not. And if you really want to know me, you have to try as hard as I do. And I try hard. Sheesh.

New pet peeve:

Guys that I've just met telling me to loosen up. "Smile girl! Have some fun!" I saw a girl nestle a drink in her cleavage last night, and then a brawn but no brains picked her up and tilted her just the right way so that he could drain the drink from its precarious position. What, because that's not my idea of fun, I'm not having any? If I don't have a 3000 watt perma-grin shellacked onto my face, I'm not a happy person? Bite me, how's that for happy? I couldn't behave that way if I wanted to (lack of cleavage). Quit harassing me because you don't know what to do with the girl who doesn't simper and stand on her head to get your attention. And what about this for a novel approach: "Hi my name is (insert your name here). What's your name? Nice to meet you!" So easy. So refreshing and attention getting. Absolutely and utterly impossible, apparently.

But I digress from my happy outlook on life. Uhhh...yeah, ok. We'll go with happy outlook for now.